Posh Public Bathroom

By Any Name It Means Relief
by Ms. Nom de Plume

The recently opened $300,000 beaux-arts building in Manhattan is patterned after luxury hotels like The Waldorf Astoria and Trump Tower. The walls and floors of the staid-looking building are covered in tiles imported from Spain and Italy. Attendants keep the place sparkling. Classical musical plays and gallery artist-in-residence works line the walls.

The thing is, with a line of people waiting to enter, men to one side, women to the other side, no one has time to study the paintings.

Oh well, enjoy the air conditioning, the hands-free faucets and the self-flushing toilets and then return another time.

Yes, this building is a restroom. Years ago, it might have been called a comfort station. True, you could rest in the building and you’d feel more comfortable after visiting, especially if the queue had been long, but you couldn’t take a bath. Although I have seen people take sponge baths and brush their teeth using the sink in restrooms.

I’d much rather use facilities adorned with vases of flowers than one of those portable broom closets with the misnomer Jam Pail or some such. Maybe Portable Head. You take a deep breath before entering and swear, with that breath held, that you’ll never leave home again if you lose your glasses, or a hearing aid, down in that stinking abyss. And how, confound it, do they manage to put the tissue out of reach in a space three-foot square! At least there aren’t sheets of an old catalog or corn husks.

Years ago, as a volunteer trying to get grade-school students to understand and appreciate art (remember, You Gotta Have Art?) we talked about how buildings like libraries, post offices and museums often are big and strong-looking. The decision of the students was that, if you respect the building, then you might respect what is inside.

Now take this supposition and apply it to the building in question, erected next to the New York Library near Fifth Avenue, of On the Avenue, Fifth Avenue fame. Electronic seat covers that rotate with each use aside, do we need to respect what we’ll find in a bathroom/restroom/comfort station?

Or is there something else going on here, possibly unintentional. Could this be an impetus toward a return to grandeur: travel suits and corsages on airplanes, floor-length gowns seen beyond the red carpet of Hollywood, sleepwear relegated to the bedroom and not even allowed in any store with a name ending in, mart. Let’s not forget pants with a rise extending to the waist. Cracks once again left to the sidewalks.

Probably it was just that the facilities needed updating and the non-profit that runs the adjacent park strives for excellence and thought the new interior would help improve business in the neighborhood.

Something that the remodel did was remind me of a trip to New York with hours spent in the magnificent, both inside and out, Metropolitan Museum of Art. It also reminded me of the hours I spent in Central Park looking for strawberry fields. Thank you, John Lennon.

The elegant restroom also reminded me of Vista House. Built in 1918, this building is round and sits on a protruding bank of the Columbia River. From afar, it looks like an observatory. One might guess it was built to be someone’s home. But like the posh New York City building, it houses restrooms. Vista Houses was a stop for travelers along Oregon’s Columbia River Highway.

I like a lot of American customs dating back decades. I also like classical revival architecture; although, I wouldn’t want to see money, particularly government money, spent today on recreating marble and cement behemoths. Leave that to Disney and Las Vegas.

Still, the question remains: Does show of wealth encourage lofty thinking and high goals. Perhaps even national protectionism through mighty fortresses. Or is it a goading over the less fortunate and an increase in the chasm between the haves and have nots. Isn’t it amazing what an article on a receptacle of human waste can inspire in the imagination?

further Reading

N.Y. unveils $300,000 posh public bathroom
The Mercury News - 4/27/17

Posh public bathroom pops up, with music, art, in Manhattan
ABC7NY - 4/28/17

Posh public bathroom pops up, with music, art, in Manhattan
Long Island Tech News - 4/28/17